I've blown a few things in my day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
