I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
