In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
