forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I will pee on everything he values.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
