We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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