I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize