yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
