I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
