Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
