i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
