they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
