She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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