God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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