y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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