turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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