it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
