8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
