I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize