he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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