Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
