What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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