i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
