If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
