Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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