im gay
i know
yea but for you.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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