I CAN MOONWALK!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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