come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
