At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
