Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
