You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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