Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
