"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
