i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
