smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize