i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
