im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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