I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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