lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I know her cup size but not her name....
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