Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
