Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
