I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
