Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
