i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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