so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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