the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
