We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
