There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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