Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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