Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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