So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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