I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
