so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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