Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
