I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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