Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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