So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
