This is not my ceiling
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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