I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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