turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
