Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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