Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
