dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
