My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
