he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
