She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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