oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
