You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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