I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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