He is an equal opportunity slut.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
