Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize