One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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