Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
