Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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