can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Randomize
