You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
