just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
