The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
