Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
