It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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