can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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