Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
