her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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