it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
this just has baby written all over it
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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