I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
