i would punch a child for taco bell
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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