Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
