Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Randomize
