you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
