I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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