I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
