M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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