They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Still dying that you shit outside
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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