Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize